Could Barry Bonds be a Hitting Coach?

Corey Rudd Wednesday, October 27, 2010 Baseball

Barry Bonds threw out the first pitch before Game 3 of
the NLCS against the Philadelphia Phillies

With the San Francisco Giants back in the World Series, the most famous Giant of all-time, and the leader in career home runs in MLB Baseball history, Barry Bonds has been making numerous appearances around the friendly confines of AT&T Park.

"I love being home. I love being here," he said.

According to Barry, he wants to be around even more often, and sooner rather than later. He even wants to put on the Giant uniform again.

No, not as an enormous, chemically enhanced pinch-hitter, but as a hitting coach instead.

"I have a gift and sooner or later I have to give it away," Bonds said. "I have to share it. Hopefully I'll get the opportunity here."

That's great Barry. Really great. But what exactly are you going to teach these young hitters? How to rub in "Ben-Gay"?

You are right though, you do have a gift. That gift was a set of the quickest hands in the history of not only baseball, but possibly in all of sports history.

But Barry, you also lack a lot of important skills that are necessary to become a MLB hitting coach. Among them are communication skills, talking cordially to other human beings, and respecting your peers and those around you.

Oh yeah, and there is this other problem you have and I ask, very seriously, about how "big a man" you truly are.

Will you ever remove yourself from the shadow of Mark McGwire?

Ironically, one year after McGwire tested the waters of admitting that he used steroids and became a hitting coach for the St. Louis Cardinals, you suddenly want to become a hitting coach too?

Didn't we see you "bulk up" in 1999, one year after McGwire, with a body-builder frame, smacked 70 home runs?

Are you going to do everything Big Mac does? Are you trying to have triplets too?

Sorry Barry, but be happy that you can still come back to the ball park when the Giants have a play-off run like the one this year.

Please, just disappear into the depths of retirement and unless you are willing to go to jail for perjury because you finally admit that you took more steroids than a thoroughbred race horse, do not even consider having another job as a part of a MLB organization ever again during the rest of your life.